Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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