I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
