can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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