is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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