apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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