really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You are a genius and a whore.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
