Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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