Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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