I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
