apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
