So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
