She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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