I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
