It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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