I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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