His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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