I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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