just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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