bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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