That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
