the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
