I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
