My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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