I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
