i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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