sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize