There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
