Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
