for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
