She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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