Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
