i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
