is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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