She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
