The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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