this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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