I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
