i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
