Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
