the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
