I heard we made out
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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