Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
