Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
