Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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