I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
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You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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