I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
