just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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