My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
