You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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