It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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