i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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