I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
