Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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