my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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