this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I use my feet as sexual weapons
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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