I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
