i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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