i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
