Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
