At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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