I skipped work to stalk him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
