someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
