oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
