We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
