and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Randomize
