Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pants are for mortals
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