I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
