If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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