Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
