how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
